Meme courtesy of Kelly Bender

Meme courtesy of Kelly Bender

I hate being on a hiatus, especially due to unpredictable circumstances such as my health. Since my last post nearly 7 months ago, I have battled my way through increased seizures, anxiety, depression, and bipolar mood swings. Thanks to new medications, however, at the very least I am able to sleep somewhat and have some kind of routine. I have Asperger’s, the behavioral characteristics being exacerbated by the brain injury. Over the past several months so much has occurred that I might as well inform you of what and how.

I began a fundraiser so I could collect my necessary medical records and send them to my lawyers for my disability case. My disability case was on February 5th, 1 day after my birthday. Nearly every medical record was in but I started seeing a psychiatrist beginning on December 31st, 2014. My lawyers needed those records and anything up-to-date. They asked me if I was ever Baker Acted and I replied no (although I came very close a couple of times). The reason I wasn’t was due to my partners being scared that such a drastic action would have made things worse on me: due to my injury and mood I would have become more combative, and perhaps they would restrain me, and then it might lead to increased anxiety and fright: the stress of it leading to a seizure. A vicious cycle to be sure. No one is positive on how the inpatient care works, so they thought better cautious than sorry for me. After the hearing case, my lawyer informed me it would go 50/50: my youth was a critical factor for denial. In spite of my disabilities, I could possibly be denied because I am young. What the fuck? But okay.

Months past, and I wanted to get better. I was happy. I was looking forward to positive results, because how could they deny me? The records and my recorded speech were enough I thought. Looking at my evaluations from just after my car accident in August 2012 until the present, my results would surely demonstrate how, after 2 1/2 years my mental and emotional conditions had not drastically improved, even with medications. My seizures still had increased and I began to be prescribed psych medications for bipolar mood swings. And then in late March I received the results: I was denied. I was denied for the dumbest reasons.

1. If I could be around 5 people, I can be in a quiet environment and work. Problem? I can invite people to my house (which I said), which means I control my environment and how many I can tolerate. 5 is the most, and no more than 8, for ritual. After ritual is over and everyone is chatting I usually sit alone with my phone to concentrate because it can be overwhelming. My partners entertain everyone. I have even stepped back from leading rituals, allowing my temple to take over and be empowered. They are doing me proud as I prepare to follow another path.

2. I can do a quiet job like a parking attendant. Oh sure, especially because I can’t medically and legally drive due to new seizure medications and vertigo.

3. I am on medication, which means I am improving. Because, you, know, everyone on medication means they’re functional and normal.

4. My partner who has been with me for 16 years was given a questionnaire on what he saw and how much I had changed. The result? The judge dismissed his testimony because, well, he had no medical experience and he was being biased. What a fuckwit.

5. Finally, my age. Although people above the age of 50 years old with the same disabilities would be awarded, my youth means I have time to get a job.

Sigh. Seriously? So this is what I have been dealing with. Now it’s time for the appeal process to begin. And now that you know what has been going on with me mundanely, I’ll shortly inform you of the spiritual side.

Eirene kai Hugieia!
(Peace and Health!)


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