Dark Logic (n). – 1. Reasoning conducted or assessed according to strict principles of validity in which suicide seems the avenue of valid choice. 2. The state or quality of being justified by Reason pertaining to the contemplation of suicide.
Dark Logic is a term I coined many years ago. Have you ever felt the depths of despair where the means of escape was nothing more than a simple cut away? Sometimes the emotional and mental agony is greater than any physical pain, and we want it desperately to stop. We try everything: therapy, pills, being baker acted when it comes to that…it all doesn’t seem to work. We try spells and exorcisms. We try to reach out to friends and families. We do everything we are supposed to do, but to no avail.
We’ve got this. We spread positive posts on social media. We reach out to encourage ourselves to get better, and we receive a lot of “likes” and “hearts.”
And then we feel like we are bothering everyone, and we hide. We made a big deal out of nothing. We’re okay, we tell ourselves. Everything is going to be alright. It will be alright. Right? I mean, I mean it. Don’t I? … … …
Sometimes we do the opposite: we seclude. We hide. Maybe not just physically. No, that might give away that something is wrong. We mustn’t let them think that. It’ll alert unwanted attention. We need to deal with this on our own. Our emotions are suppressed. We put masks on. A smiley face. Grins. Laughter…all the socially acceptable things to be embraced by our friends and family.
But we are desperately lonely. Behind the facade is unbearable sorrow. That sorrow can manifest in different ways:
- Anger: we are upset that others are so happy and that we can’t be. What is wrong with me?
- Irritability: Unlike anger, irritability is more moody than bouts of anger. We carry a grudge. We can’t explain it. But it’s there. Everything is annoying.
- Crying: We get emotional diarrhea and just cry. We are crying about anything and everything. Sometimes the grief is too much to carry so we look for anything that will trigger sadness so that we cry to release our emotions. Think of this method as an emotional equivalent to physical cutting.
- Moroseness: We brood. We walk around and nearly everyone can sense the blackness around us. There is no rhyme or reason. It’s just “who we are.”
I was thinking about subtitling this one into something else, like “The Unthinkable.” But it needs to get out there. Sometimes this word is largely taboo. We don’t use it. It’s a sin to many. But for others, it’s the only way out of this misery called life.
Different things can trigger dark logic. It can be from overwhelmed responsibility that we don’t want or can’t carry anymore, to absolute loneliness, to nothing at all. Just a mental illness where nothing makes sense but for not being a burden anymore. Mind you. none one of these excludes the other. We all carry within us a sense that the Sacred is empty. We dance with Death rather than Life. It’s the only logical choice...
But is it?
Logic is what got us here. But can we successfully accept our emotions and state of being without compromising the life we still have yet to live? I’ll say it plainly: you are a gift. I’m not here to lecture you about how suicide is a selfish act and harms your family. I’m here to let you know that sometimes you need to live. Sometimes it is an act of courage to be around, because we all feel the pain. All of us, at one time or another, have thought about it. Some of us have gone further. And some of us have gone further still and ended it all.
The problem is society: how we look at those moments of mental illness. Some of us act on the very urges that the majority of the population thinks about, and yet we are the ones vilified for it. We are rejected before we even cut, swallow, or pull the trigger. That is one of the major sources: rejection. Rejection of us. Becoming the outcast. Being made the outcast, even when we fit in. Remember this much:
You aren’t meant to just be the outcast. They are. You were born to stand out. So stand out. Dance with Death and Life. Play in the shadows and be illuminated in the light. Let your mind, will, and emotions be at peace. Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the state of contentment, even if temporary. To be satisfied in that contentment is happiness. Happiness is temporary. And that’s okay. We can’t always find things which make us happy. Sometimes it’s about discovering the darker parts of who we are in order to fully gain wholeness. Sometimes we need that Shadow to help measure our strengths and weaknesses. There is no shame in Dark Logic. There is no shame period. We are who we are. Some of us need healing on many levels before we are able to fully comprehend ourselves and find how we fit with those whom we surround ourselves with.
So dance my friend. Dance. You’re in pain. I know it hurts. I know because I have been there as well. I know because I survived when I needed to. I know because this path we have been taken connects us as kin. We are not alone. We have one another. Remember that.
Eirene kai Hugieia!
(Peace and Health!)